The Room...

Those of you who were waiting for the 'Hell Flight' installment, will have to wait a bit. Family wanted to know what my room looked like, and how I was settling in. Truly settling in, I think, will take some time. Little things will tell me that I've settled in, such as, not having the bus driver yell an answer at me (which was sort of his fault because he was mumbling, and I could not hear him over the screaming 2 year old). Or not having to ask the at the library if I needed to get an library card, or if my student ID worked for that as well. It does.

Also, it might interest some of you (those that teased about coming here to find a guy) to know that a great many people here have, in the course of attempting to be polite, addressed me as 'Sir'. Someone other than myself would find this incredibly insulting. I, however, find myself rather amused. Most of these episodes happened when I was wearing on of my baseball caps. I suspect it is highly unusual for a female here to wear such a thing. Perhaps I am wrong. But I am still highly amused. :) So, I say to those who said I was coming to find a guy.... I don't think it's gonna happen. Sorry. Given that they already think I'm a guy. ;)

*small pause while I laugh.... a LOT*

Anyway! On to the pictures of my small studio apartment. Believe it or not, I once occupied a room smaller (and MUCH colder) than this. If you don't believe me, please feel free to check facts with my sister and parents. They can testify to my former room's tininess. So, here we go.

That is my front door, with a really big electronic lock on it. One of many on this building. If I forget my room key, I'm screwed. Heh, kidding. I just have to call an Resident Assistant, and they'll glare, huff, and let you in. And possibly charge me $10 for bothering them with such foolishness. ... There's the little kitchen, stove top, microwave below (so I can microwave my knees... which is why I tend not to like microwaves) and a sink and drainboard. There's lot of cupboard/drawer space below, and under the sink, management has hidden a vacuum. Which I do intend to use... eventually. I'm not a terribly messy person.

And if you turn you back on the front door and small kitchen, you have my work space, bedroom, bathroom on the left, and clothes storage on the right. There is a little heater attached to the wall next to the bed, and it works pretty well. I tend to use it at night as it gets a bit chilly in here. During the day it's fine, but at night it cools off quite impressively. It's actually fairly spacious for a studio apartment. I was expecting a lot less floor space. Oooh, and I lucked out! I got a corner apartment, which means I got two windows!!

That's the window on the right wall past the storage area, and then there's one above my bed, although the shade it closed on it. Night time and all, it helps keep the heat in. Mr Kitty snuck into the picture. I didn't realize he was there until after I uploaded it. Anyway, I'll leave it that way. :)

Next up we have my work desk! Complete with shelves to hold work materials and stuff for fun. Which I generally need a lot of when working my way through confusing materials. Or for when I just need something to smile at. If you're wondering what I was watching on the computer, it was a Midsomer Murders episode, and I'm not sure which one. I've been watching a lot of those. The item hanging off the side there is my coat, which SHOULD be hanging in the closet, but out of place stuff makes me feel more comfortable. Hopefully there's nothing embarrassing laying out for all to see... then again, I'm not sure I care.

So, that basically completes the tour of my room. No, I will not be showing photos of my bathroom. Who wants to see a bathroom??? It's nothing to write about, I can tell you that much. Although, there is a nice picture of my freshly made bed, with clean sheets, nicely lit by the morning sunshine. Sadly, a thorough washing did nothing to soften the linens. They're still scratchy and will undoubtedly succeed in giving me a rash. The good news is, the duvet cover no longer smells like moldering fish, which I suspect can be blamed squarely on the packing material it arrived in. :)

Yes, sadly it does resemble a prison bed, but at least it's comfy and warm at night. Which is all I really ask.

... now, to do something about the sheets....

Life Turned Upside Down

Okay, first off I apologize for not getting this up with all due haste upon arriving. Due to some odd circumstances with a certain airline that shall remain only slightly nameless (because I might end up mentioning it accidentally), my trip to college got off to a bit of a rocky start. Rest assured though, I got to my new college and am settled (settling in still, really) into a new life.

But before we get to that, I guess I should give you all a clue as to where I

went? Okay, here's a clue.

Sorry, the pigeon made me do it.

Here is the real clue. It's a big clue, so I'm hoping you'll all get it. A word of warning however, it gives you a clue to where I am, but not my percise location. I'll give get to that later. I DID however spend a week here, mostly sleeping and goofing off.

Sydney would've been a great place to go to University, because I know how to get around there. I'm familiar with most of it, and I know where not to go, but alas I couldn't find the classes I wanted, nor do I think I could've afforded the tuition. Although those may have changed since the last time I looked. Who knows. It IS certainly one of my favorite places on Earth, and I loved my time there. Given half a chance I'll be back there at the drop of a hat. >:)

I guess I should start out by explaining that I had trouble finding a school in the States that I actually wanted to attend, and could afford at the same time. I was told I would be put on a wait list. Or my inquires were never answered. Or I was told "Yes! We'd be very happy to have you! Just give hand over your arm, your leg and any future children you may have." Or the application fee to even see if I could get in was more than a month's salary. While I wasn't making a huge fortune every month, it was still a healthy chunk of change, and I didn't want to part with that just for a 'Yay' or a 'Nay'. I'm exaggerating a bit.

So, one day, in a rather disillusioned state, I found myself looking at a study abroad program for a school I wasn't even attending. I might not have been attending the university, but they had a large amount of partner schools from all over the world. Which is how I found myself trolling through all these schools outside the U.S. and asking them questions about what classes they offered and how much it would be and a bunch of other things. Two schools got back to me. One in Germany, and one in Perth, Australia. I ended up going with the one in Perth. :)

So here I sit in a studio dorm room, with very little of my acquired life around me. When I say acquired, I mean stuff that makes me smile. Stuffed animals, action figures, books, posters, wall scrolls, etc. Yes, I know I sound like a kid, but I still love all that stuff. I did bring some of it, but not as much as I wanted to. I figured I'd better keep what I brought limited, considering I'd be living here and would end up buying a lot of stuff that I'd need. Surprisingly, I haven't gotten much. Just little things, that caught my attention. We're talking the frivolous items, like a key chain with a little robot at the end, and a wooden collapse toy. One of those things were you push the bottom, and the figure on the top collapses, but snaps back into place when you let go? I don't know the real name for those, but they're amusing! Everything else is for basic living needs. Towels, some dish ware.. a mug with Bugs Bunny on it. Okay, so the last may have been crossing the line into frivolous. ;)

It is a very different life I stepped into. Well, not too different. College/University is familiar in that there are still large buildings in which you sit down to learn something, and you're surrounded by people draped in backpacks, shoulder bags, and looks of glassy eyed exhaustion. There are still the coffee shops that serve all kinds of food I can't eat, (gluten issues) but would love to have anyway. One of the cafes here serves a really good Green Curry, which I scarfed down faster than I should have. They also make excellent hot chocolate! Another has sushi, which I've sampled and found to be pretty good. Especially the smoked salmon rolls... ohhh those were good. I haven't found all the nooks and crannies yet, but I'm working on it.

I'll have to tell the story of the flight from hell (possibly haunted) next time. Although I think some of you have already heard it. Could be wrong.

Mr Kitty

Alrighty. I'm back again, but not for long. Lets just say that I've been busy getting ready for a change. Which means I'm no longer working at the library and it's not because they had to let me go. There are things that I truly would like to do before I can't for one reason or another.

One of the biggest things on my 'to-do' list is to finish college. Currently all I've got is an AA, and sadly that doesn't get you squat anymore. However, I do have lots of practical experience, which may or may not come in handy. But above all else, I really want a BA and a Masters, which means going back to college.

So, I'm going back to college, full time. Starting in July. And it'll be a bit far afield for me. Way far afield. More on that later, because it's late and I'm tired and cranky. Okay. So I'm always cranky. In real life I'm probably not cranky, but online? Definitely cranky.

Anywho, I'd like to introduce you to one of my traveling companions. The above picture is of Mr Kitty, who will be going with me. He may appear in upcoming photos, or he may not. I don't really know yet. I just figured I'd introduce you, since you may be seeing him a lot. Other traveling companions will be introduced at well, and no, none of them are alive.

I think that's it for now. More later. :)

Okay, So it's been a Year!

You might have noticed that I've been missing for a year. I'm here to tell you that I'm alive, kicking... screaming... which inevitably leads to sulking in a dark corner, and not really having too much interest in writing on a blog. I figured I'd better write on this thing again before Google came along, peered at it closely and decided to remove it on principal. That'd be a fine end wouldn't it? Being scraped off the internet like gum off the bottom of a shoe? Complete with all the unknown crispy things embedded in it. Ah... crunchy.

So I suppose I might as well give you a run down on the in and out of whats been going on in my life... Don't worry. It'll be short and to the point.

~WORK~

.... ~More work~....

..... etc.....

Alright, so there were some other things that happened. More aquariums where acquired, in which more fish were placed. My room resembles the fish department at the local pet store... Except they clean their tanks more often. Books were devoured, but not as many as I'd like. Apparently my absence from my blog has rather beggared my ability to spell anything correctly. You'd be stunned how many times I've hit the Spell Checker already. You can make wild guesses if you'd like. Aside from things I've mentioned above, not too much happened. Got sick a couple of times... although I'm not sure that's a real attention grabber. Watched lots of Anime. I might even do a few reviews if I'm awake enough to do some. Most of the time I'm out cold from working. I get home and pass out. Or watch stuff I get from the library... and fall asleep watching it. Yes, I'm sure you've noticed a pattern.

As you may have surmised... I think I need some sleep. Food first, and then sleep.

~Tootles

Short and Random

I'm not exactly sure when, but Mom found a Statistics page for how many people visit a given blog. For reasons unknown to me I started paying attention to the Stats tab out of curiosity. What I find sort of odd, is that the more often I write, the less people look at the blog. Perhaps I'm frightening people. Sorry about that. It's not really the time of year to write about scary stuff. October is really the month for that, but it's been a weird last 4 months of the year, and I got horribly distracted.

..... perhaps for the next few months I shall write nothing and see what happens? By writing nothing perhaps I shall draw in more people. Everything gets drawn in backwards for me. The minute I start wondering if I should stop writing on this blog, I get a storm of interest. Weird.

Whatever you all decide to do out there I'm wishing you all a Happy New Year!

Here. I'll leave you with this.

This is Mr Blue Bear. For whatever reason he was doing yoga positions on the floor of the laundry room. Later I began to suspect that he was in actuality begging for leniency, due to the fact that Mom was going to toss him into the washing machine. She tossed him in anyway, and then she strung him up outside by the ears with a pair of clothes pins to dry. See full story here.

Note to Self: Do not get so dirty that Mom throws you into the washing machine.

Happy New Year!

Locked Doors

These last few months have been a veritable roller coaster. Or maybe that should be several roller coasters and so far, none of them have been terribly enjoyable. We've had two deaths in the family. One we were all expecting, and the other was a shock. A total frying pan to the side of the head. Another change has to do with a promotion at work, which erupted rather suddenly. Generally speaking, I'm fairly good at riding these things out; duck the jaw smashers that you can, and roll with the sneaky ass punches that you never see coming. I've become quite good at gathering my feet beneath me after a particularly bad blow, although standing without weaving isn't always possible. Lately, weaving and wobbling has become a norm. Life has more resembled a long line of frying pan wielding psychopaths, dealing mind numbing blows, than one bordered by flowers, singing birds and vast green fields. I suspect everyone gets to this area in their life where everything experienced it uncomfortably inhabited by dark shadows and a distinct lack of clarity.

I find myself wobbling in the doorway of a new job. A full time job. While I should be happy about this, it comes with several price tags. One of which is the job I will soon be inhabiting, is because a good friend is leaving the position and moving on. Which is great for her, and I really do wish her all the best (and yes, I will come loom ... visit you) I'm not sure what I see beyond the doorway is something I can handle. There is also the uncomfortable feeling that if I step through... actually I should say WHEN I step inside the doorway, the door will slam shut and lock. No going back, even though I was told that if I really hate it, I could go back. Seriously though, there IS no going back. Going back to your first home? Visiting the old neighborhood? Running into old friends and enemies? Not fun. Not for me at least. Too many memories good and bad. The bad make me want to curl up in a ball and roll myself into a dusty corner until I forget why I'm there. Good memories that make me want to do the same thing because those days are gone.

I guess what this really comes down to is fear. A fear of being trapped in a job I'm not sure I'll be good at. Fear that I'll screw up badly when everyone is confident that I'll do a great job. Fear that I'll become complacent and will settle for a job that I'm comfortable with, but will never grow as a person in. Fear that I will lose the courage to follow my dreams, because I have doubts that the dream is something I want and more a need for escape. Fear that when I'm in my last days that I'll look back at the here and now, and regret the decisions I made in the moment. Fear of things left undone. And lastly a fear that the reason all of this is weighing so heavily on me, is the fear that I am not who I think I am. I know we all have these fears, but sometimes they are much more real and threatening. The loss of the familiar, the loss of the people that keep your keel even; the self doubt and all the 'what ifs' and 'I can't's"add such vibrant colored outlines to the shadows we create for ourselves.

There is a children's book, "The Little Engine That Could" attributed to Watty Piper, but is actually older in origin. When I was a kid, I really didn't understand all the aspects of this book, because I was a kid. To me the book was cool because the underdog won, and I was always the underdog. At that age I hadn't experienced enough to fully understand that self-confidence is sometimes all you need in order to get an insurmountable task done. Because many of these mountains are actually mole hills, but appear larger due to two words. "I Can't". It wasn't until years later, when I had occasion to meet someone I now consider an extremely good friend (he may think differently. He's an interesting character.), who basically would calmly listen to me blither on for hours (possibly days) about why I couldn't do something. Then he would quietly (not always) suggest that perhaps I was so wrapped up with my excuses that I hadn't actually considered the -fact- that I was indeed capable and able in whatever it was I was back peddling on. I just had placed a convenient life roadblock in my own way out of habit. It's called,"I can't." The instant you think that, you really can't. Because your focus has shifted from the fear of something new, to all the ways you can avoid dealing with that fear. You've just hobbled yourself, and most people never step out of their hobbles under their own power. "I can't" enables them to remain as they are. Whatever that static position might be. Until of course they're pitched into something head first by other people. Then its panic attack time, or they find that they actually can do it. I will always be grateful to him for making me see things for what they were.

The words, "I can." come with their own set of responsibilities. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Sometimes it's best to let things go, for the good of yourself and for the good of those around you. In my case, it's more that I need to rediscover my ability to enable those words for myself. Those around me will survive without me. I've been in a comfortable place with my current position for so long, that I almost stopped where I was. Almost, because I was still going to school to complete an AA/AS and ultimately move on with my goals, but on a whole... I was slowing down. Immersing myself in my job, in the people, in my friends... rooting myself. Which I will not allow completely, because I'm not done with what I want to do, and unfortunately that means I can't set down roots yet. A lot of my confusion and 'I can't' comes from uprooting myself. Its necessary if I want to keep going, but I can't say I like it. Leaving familiar territory is definitely not comfortable for me. I don't deal with change well. When I was little, Mom would rearrange the living room, and I'd pitch a total fit of hysteria. As an adult, I still get emotionally distraught, but I keep the majority of it to myself. Hopefully.

So, although I'm on something of an emotional tilt, and am having to relearn how to deal with self-doubt and 'I can't' I'm going to step through the door which I fear will lock behind me. But that's alright, because I can always fashion a key, break a window, or just kick the door down. It'll still be scary at first. I'll be going in wobbling, but armed with the memories of a little locomotive, and a good friend whose spirit still pokes me in the forehead when I waver over an issue saying,

"Try. All you can do is fail, and that's not so bad."

*pause*

"Unless you're a bomb disposal expert. Then it will be bad."

And since it's Christmas... Here's "White Wine in the Sun" by Tim Minchin. Yes, I am on a total Tim Minchin kick. You will all have to deal. Hope you all have the Happiest of Holidays.

Just to Brighten Your Day...

Mom found Tim Minchin on YouTube one night and made me sit down and watch one of his videos, called "Inflatable You." If you're easily offended, I suggest you don't watch the video, or any of Tim's other performances. Speaking for myself though, if I manage to find him doing a concert nearby I will definitely be going.

I've never seen anyone else like him. With perhaps the exception of Victor Borga in some ways, but very much updated. Anyway, hope you got a laugh. :)